Pickles and Mac'n'Cheese...

It's whats for dinner. 

I think I have a sleeping condition. I sleep all. the. time. I came home with intentions of going to the gym, laid down to watch a movie and relax - 15 minutes into it and I'm out and don't wake up until ten o'clock. This is not the first occasion of these happenings. 

In other news, my NYC adventure continues. Emma and I are moving at the end of the month. I feel like it should be a big deal that I'm moving to Manhattan, but it's more of the fact that I'll be moving to the nicest apartment I've lived in - ever. And I'll have real neighbors. I can't wait!  

Moving a bitter-sweet emotion. While yes, I'll be living in Manhattan (which I never thought I'd be able to afford), I'm going to miss Brooklyn. It's a humble place to be. Quite, distant, but close enough to the city, yet quaint and having lots of character. There are places that I'd love to have lived, however something else was dropped in my lap that can't be passed up. I will be able to visit anytime I'd like, but it's different. Will I visit? How often?  It makes me a little sad.

The emotional bearings that effects me in this moving situation are out of control. I probably knew this would happen, but thought I'd be stronger. Somehow this haunting always follows me, so maybe it's good to get out and start fresh. But I don't know how long it'll let me be...it doesn't ever last for long [enough]. It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I don't like weak and vulnerable. I like stability and strength, independence, fight for the win. 

Starting new has to be good. but then....

Then I ask myself if I'm setting myself up again? I hope not. Self-control is a beautiful, yet exhausting task. 

I have a lot of work to do between now and then. Packing, moving, unpacking, making a home. It's going to be great! I love the feeling of starting over.

The weekend after I move, my brother is coming. I can not wait! It's going to be so much fun! Seriously, being far away has made me appreciate my family so much more. Why does life work like that?! Love the people you're with, all the time, with all your heart, and let them know! People deserve to know they are loved and appreciated.

There are a lot of things that are exciting for the future. However, sometimes I don't really see where I will be in those future thoughts. This journey has been a lot of fun and  I have learned a lot along the way.

But I find myself in a slightly unsettled state because I'm not sure what is next. Or maybe how I'll get to the 'next'. Is the rest a guessing game? That's also a lot of effort and time. Time is running out. Or is it? 

Society says so, but my heart only agrees half way. I would love to be part of the societal norm - 26 years-old, dating (maybe, seriously), having a solid foundation of a career, settling down, seeing a family in the future, having a general idea of what the next part of life holds.

However, this is not the reality of my life. I have just picked up my whole life and dumped its components on the floor. I  am starting over. [Am I an idiot!?] I am not dating, and pretty much scared shitless to commit to anything of the like. Yes, I have experience in my field, however, when you start a new school/company, the time to 'prove' yourself is exhausting and takes time. The timing is never definitive and never the same; but is essential to creating that foundational grasp and connection with your workplace and co-workers, making work a semi-enjoyable place to spend the weeks. 

There are a lot of dreams that I'd love to accomplish. But I have no idea how to approach them at this time. Sometimes I think, because I chose to start over, I put myself 5 steps backward in this journey of achieving these dreams. But one of these dreams was to do this.....get here - to NYC - and be teaching, which is exactly what I am doing. 

While my professional journey is all scrambled up, and my emotional state seems to be the same, my spiritual journey seems to be the strongest it's been in a long time. That part of life is so refreshing. It might not look like it to the outside on-looker, but my heart is full and satisfied - but always craving more. It's a peaceful place to be. 

I'm not really sure this post has any direction at all - but these are my thoughts and they're here. I'm not even sure if this blog is read. If not, I don't mind, it just feels good to let things out time and again. 

**Pandora, when you tell me it's taking longer to 'fetch' a song, I no longer thing of musical songs, but of dog parks. However, I like your deviation in vocabulary.**

Time is a Dressmaker Specializing in Alterations

... this is what my blog was called when I found her. 

I was recently intrigued to look for this blog that I made so long ago. I had a slight sense of anxiety knowing that I had thoughts and recordings of my life aimlessly wandering the internet world - who knew who has been reading my blog without my knowing. So, last night I set in search to retrieve my blog. It was not as easy as I had hoped. The thought to make a new blog crossed my mind, but that still meant these thoughts would be aimlessly wandering the internet world - And, to be honest, I really wanted to re-read about my time Uganda. So I pursued my search. 

It wasn't until early this morning that I found it. And this was the name.... "Time is a Dressmaker Specializing in Alterations" 

 NO WONDER I COULDN'T FIND IT! 

 My only two thoughts on this are: 1) someone got into my account and changed the name or 2) I may have accidentally copy and pasted something into the title. This title may be one of the farthest descriptions of any part of my life! 

 Since the last time I logged in was 2010 I have no way to recall what could be the cause. 

I am just happy to be back. I spent the better part of the afternoon reading about my life 5 years ago. (WOW! That seems so long ago!) It was refreshing to see that, even though a lot has changed, I am still very much the same person inside. Also, this might be a selfish, conceited thought, but I was slightly impressed at my writing ability. Obviously I no novelist, but my thoughts were clear and the vernacular was sort of impressive, or at least to me it was... 

I could have never imagined my life the way it is - 5 years ago. But looking back on my past expressions, I am content with my growings, findings, and adventure. 

 Life in New York:
Has been asked: "Are you living your dream?" 

 I have thoughts on this question... Dreams - are amazing. Some express it as an unrealistic reality, the craziest place they've been, etc. You hear people say things like, "I had the weirdest dream last night..." When I think of dreams, strange, unpredictable things happen in them. Nothing is ever expected, people that you 'know' look like other people, you do things that are very out of character for yourself, you end up in strange places, etc. Get my drift? A dream is never a perfect world that you would want to live in forever. 

So, am I living my dream? Yes! I made it to NYC! and I am teaching! There are absolutely wonderful things about both of those topics. However, neither of them are perfect. There have been and will continue to be struggles. Was any of this what I imagined or 'dreamed' it would look like? Not a chance! Would I change it to go back? Of course not! 

I tend to believe that all things happen for one reason or another. 

In alignment with that statement, I feel blessed to have gotten where I am now. In the span of visiting for a 2-week period, I found a job and an apartment. My job ended up to be amazing and I met so many great people there that helped me acclimate to my new home. It was exactly what I signed up for - restaurant work, a break from teaching (that I needed). My apartment; no it's not my favorite, but I met the greatest roommate ever. Things have worked out so well between us, especially considering it was an at random meeting on craigslist! Surprisingly enough, our lease is up this month, so I am moving locations to a nicer apartment, but keeping the same awesome roommate. 

 Within five months, I was offered a teaching job! I was thrilled! But, as in a dream, it hasn't turned out perfect, but it's a foot in the door to the teaching world in NYC. I am learning to find/search for the good in all situations. I'm learning to use my connections and enjoy where I am at. 

 Since we're all caught up from my 5 year lapse, I'll leave you with this... 

 adventures aren't always perfect or easy - but they're always worth it!