I doubt anyone still reads this...so for now it's just a way for me to get my thoughts out.
Do you ever feel like your failing at life? Maybe not failing, but life seems purposeless and you are just not meeting the goal. This morning we talked about when you feel like God is silent or non-existent, that's not the case, it is in those mundane moments that God is holding on to me, moving me through the 'routines' of life only because he has worked the past and knows the future and is working through all of that to provide for me.
These past few months have been that mundane, routine life for me and it's been so long. It's almost exhausting - the kind of exhaustion from working hard and not seeing the fruits of my labor.
- Then I come to the question - "Am I too hard on myself, allowing myself not to see the fruits?" I've always been hard on myself - I don't know how to change that.
My ambitions are high and my efforts are great....but in my eyes they never seem great enough. When will it ever be enough, Will I ever be satisfied and feel confident that I am doing everything I know how to successfully meet that goal (whatever it may be)?
It's impossible to do it on my own. I have come to that conclusion. When will my actions match to that recognition? It's a great deal of humility to let someone else take over. I never feel ready to do that. Just when I think I can give up control - life throws something at me and I loose my focus again, and again, and again.
I'm not really sure if this makes sense to anyone else, but it felt good to get this out.
